about junji

2007-12-17T02:08:00.000+08:00

I'm walking on a new road
Living a brand new life
I've found myself a better way
Walking with Jesus every day

Lord You've taken me as I am
But I'm never gonna stay the same
In the power of Your glory
I know I'll be forever and ever changed

Extraordinary
You take my breath away
Extraordinary
Make a brighter day
Extraordinary
Way beyond the ordinary
Extraordinary

Nobody like You in all of the earth
Nobody like You
Nobody like You in all the universe
Nobody like You

Extraordinary
My God is
Extraordinary
Extraordinary
My God is
Extraordinary

(This song brings back memories... and it's funky!)

2007-12-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

Aiyaya, the cough is almost gone but now there's a mild fever.

I miss Breakaway camp. It really was the best camp I've ever been to, although I was coughing like mad the whole time. The people I met were so warm and true. I don't know where people get those strange ideas about our church from, seriously.

Reflecting upon the last half a year... I concede that I made many mistakes. With people, with my studies, with time management, with the way I portray myself. I feel refreshed now though, like I have a new beginning.

Saturday practice was one of the most tiring ever. My legs are still aching like crazy from the dancehall bounce and my lower abs HURT. The handstand against the wall part wasn't easy either (maybe because of my sickness, since I felt fluids - that weren't blood - rushing to my head). I did make some progress with breaking though... I roughly know the problems with my mills and I managed a 180 degree turn on my head. Can't wait to do headspins!

Kevin did a wonderful airchair. So proud of him... and the three b-boys are really good now, especially Weiqiang. Jean and Junwei are getting real good with their locking... Junwei got more moves now and Jean looks like she's taking it seriously. I have to catch up with these people! It's not a matter of competition. It's more like... when you see people improve so much, you feel the push and the drive to get better, because there's nothing stopping you from doing it too.

I think the fever is dying down now... I'm starting to feel warm.

and...

CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS!

2007-12-15T01:51:00.000+08:00

I'm back from camp, and I forgot to bring my voice with me. It was worth it... it was fulfilling and fun. I won't bother to summarise it. It's one of those things that needs to be experienced rather than told about. (And also because there's too much to cram into one entry.)

Movies...! The Cat Returns is an excellent one. Its story is enchanting and the cats are so adorable. It's not a film that tries to be deep and philosophical, but as with all aesthetic creations, you can catch something from it.

Now that I think about it, I don't think I've lived a single day of my life without an animal in the household. Usually it was a cat. Our first one was Calvin. Cool name for a cat right? Then there was Brownie the cocker spaniel, whom we sold after he destroyed our wooden kitchen cupboards. Lucky was a kitten who met an unfortunate end... which I'd rather not talk about. Jacky was a grumpy girl... named after my sister, no less. She started getting mental a few years ago... then she went. When Jacky was around, in came Cow and Milk. In fact, there were two Cows, both explored and never came back. They're probably wandering around the neighbourhood, grown up and all. Duchess joined us one or two years ago... and now it's just her and Milk.

Sometimes, there would be a couple of turtles... or angelfish... and then were rabbits too... at one point, there were sixteen birds at home. Sixteen! Coincidentally, the balcony was beginning to resemble a forest by then - in a way, it was appropriate.

It would be nice to be a cat, and just laze around in the sun the whole day, not having to look out for others... but that's a cat's job. I have more to do!

2007-12-09T01:17:00.000+08:00

In the recent weeks leading up to today, I've had a lot of time away from the turmoil and conflict and strife to think, relax and recuperate. I thought about everything from the meaning of life to the origin of the universe to the kitchen sink to how to get my cat to fetch my slippers.

Although I let my thoughts run all over the place, I didn't get anything out of it... except the renewed will to stay happy and joyful. In all honesty, I found out things which made me sad today. It made me feel like others will cover up any effort and creative energy (to put it nicely) I spent, in favour of themselves or their clique members. Then I realised it is not my place to complain, because I don't need to covet opportunities in such a way to succeed.

It doesn't matter because I started learning on the streets, and though I've had formal training since, I still learn on the streets and if need be, I will continue to do my stuff on the streets... ...until the opportune moment to seize, to take hold of my destiny.

Love involves kindness. Share it, whether it be just plain simple love, love for food, love for dance... maybe that's why locking appealed so much to me. It's just like in Junwei's MSN handle... "Locking is a social dance, not a solo dance." I love pointing at people and getting them out of their comfort zones. No, I'm not trying to sabo them... it just isn't as fun dancing by yourself or within the same old group all the time.

Perhaps we need to break free of the mindset that we must all outdo each other technically, expressively or creatively. Perhaps we need to stop looking at our talent and using it to improve only ourselves. Perhaps we should help each other as peers, not as superiors and subordinates (unless it is warranted... search your soul for the answer eh), to go to the next level. Perhaps we should realise we could all learn from each other in different aspects. Perhaps I ought to just shut up and go sleep now because I'm really tired from lack of sleep and KH's class, and I'm typing all this based on the impression I have of the situation which could be totally different hahahahahahahaha.

Now Playing: Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down

2007-12-05T15:48:00.000+08:00

I'm so sick...

...though not of love songs. I'm really literally sick. My throat burns! My nose leaks! My eyes water! Ah December, you wilful woman of wonder and woe. You bring the joy of Yuletide, yet you also plague Singaporeans with that dreadful viral wind.

What a stupid entry this is.

Now Playing: Ne-Yo - So Sick

2007-12-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

I've been chilling with Xsass and Daphne and Kaeting lately. It's great fun with them. No tension. All fun. We went to watch b-boying baboons on Monday. It was cool! Love you guys (girls actually). Dang that sounds effeminate.

Today, I had lunch with my momma. It kind of made me think for a while. Where do I want to go? Am I on the right track? Which way am I headed now? Will everything be alright in, say, three years' time? Somehow, I have the assurance that it will. It's kind of like a sort of inner peace. The future is still open. Uncertain, but open. The journey will be easier if I look on the bright side, right?

Finally got myself some new kicks and a new bag. My Airwalk bag's zippers are seriously messed up. Yes, zippers, plural. I'm so relieved to have a bag that has some degree of quality now. I went down to the Esplanade in the evening for a session with Michael, Kevin, Matthew and Jeffrey. I was early though, so I went to the library to read stuff... about dance, of course. Which was apt, considering the library stocked mostly books on the arts. I read this collection of interviews of the greatest dancers in the past century. No hip hop dancers of course, but their words can apply to all aspects of dance, and the interview with Edward Villeva impressed on my mind.

As for the session. Well, I sorted out my Sneak Peek and Stop & Go with Michael's help (no, not Michael Sim). As you all know, I love putting Stop & Goes into my freestyling... and now you're gonna get even more Stop & Goes! Maybe it's an indication I should delve into Boogaloo. Michael also gave me some nice tips on box splits.

And thanks to B-boy Greg, I am SO HAPPY that I fixed some major problems with my swipes. And SO HAPPY that I'm starting to get one-handed lunar eclipses, although it's still far from stable. I'm beginning to get the feel of windmills too. It sounds like a lot, but I actually still have a long way to go. Practised the chaine-sashay-jump across the floor routine too... hope all goes well tomorrow.

Now Playing: Bobby Valentino - Turn The Page

2007-12-02T21:45:00.000+08:00

Sadness...! We didn't make it into the finals... apparently the judges were really looking for the most extravagant Christmas outfit rather than the most hip. Ah well... Channel U. Not much in the way of sophistication.

So there goes my Alife x Puma First Rounds. On hindsight, I wouldn't have worn them a lot anyway. Who can bear wearing S$349 shoes more than five times a year?

It was an interesting experience anyway, and I hope for the ADM finalists to win all the top three prizes! Especially Pearlyn Oh's group, which had tiiiiight/dope designs.

The Tattooist is an alright movie. The premise is quite interesting but the story was kind of boring and flat. In terms of scares, not that scary either, except for a couple of parts when ### started 'bleeding' in the pool and the scene in the hospital (Sorry, no spoilers ah). Even then, the movie isn't exactly scary. Just the same old creepy music and loud noises. Either way, no horror movie can top Shutter for me. That one really freaked me out.

I want to watch Stardust again...

Now Playing: The Crystal Method - (Can't You) Trip Like I Do

2007-12-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

I hate going to Far East Plaza. Not that there's anything wrong with the place; I just happen to look inside The Black Chamber, Leftfoot, Leftfoot's affiliated stores and recently, Warped... and then I get cravings.

Well, I checked out The Black Chamber very recently and saw a pair of Pumas. Very special Pumas. Pumas made in collaboration with Alife, as a matter of fact. Alife is a prominent streetwear brand in the States and among the more learned street culturists around the world. It's a notch above Adidas and Nike... more along the line of A Bathing Ape and Stussy. So what's so special about those Puma First Rounds (they are called First Rounds)? For starters, there's only 500 pairs worldwide. Each pair at TBC costs $349. They look really hot of course, otherwise I wouldn't bother posting this.

Christmas is coming! Pardon the sinfully materialistic post. At least you readers know what's on the shopping list, should our group place among the top three for the Most Hip Christmas Outfit competition.

(Although I might sober up by then and purchase something more practical and... ...affordable.)

Now Playing: move - Gamble Rumble

2007-11-30T00:02:00.000+08:00

Diana Ross - If We Hold On Together

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away

Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end

Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
"Please let us come home to stay"

If we hold on together,
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

2007-11-29T02:41:00.000+08:00

New moves to learn!

Leo Walk
Pimp Walk
(from Groove Walk a.k.a. Rock Steady)
Sneak Peek/Sneaky
Volkswagen

I shall work on bounces and Stop & Go at tomorrow's session.

2007-11-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I am posting this.

I was listening to music as usual on the way home tonight, when someone suddenly sat down beside and tapped me on the shoulder. It was an autistic, apparently mute boy. He showed me a card, which said something like "### is a hyperactive boy. He has communication problems... ....lives at Henderson Road..." He was pointing at the line which had his address. I don't know where Henderson Road is, so I just sort of gestured to him that I didn't know, upon which he got up and went to sit behind me.

After a while, I decided to help him by asking the bus driver, but I had to ask him to show me the address again. He didn't want to show it to me. Great, so even he would rather have me not meddling in his affairs.

Aside from that. I heard, read and saw a lot today. Berni's life, the trouble with her son, Joy's tuition student, the five late dragon boaters, the kid on the bus... These people, or their parents, they are more unfortunate than I am, but they still remain strong despite the odds. I respect them. I think people who go through continuous hardships like these deserve more respect than say, the most accomplished designer or dancer or singer... because it's not a voluntary thing. Not that I don't respect those people too... but they chose their path because of passion or talent. It's not some predestined misfortune.

Why do we complain? Why do we frown at the simplest of matters which, truthfully, can be resolved so much more easily? Why do we have to justify ourselves, to be right all the time? Why do I have to give in to these people? Why can't I stand up for myself once?

For once, I just feel like lashing out. Lashing out at the people who've wronged me. Just screaming at people who give me stupid excuses and blame me for their own problems. I feel like saying I hate them. I feel like wishing they experienced just how much more hurtful it is to be in my shoes. I feel angry at their words, unjustified by their reasoning, confounded by their pride (not that I don't have any).

Yet I'm sure that no one wants to be truly evil. "They know not what they do". I'm not trying to be some kind and understanding person - it's just that if I don't have a reason to hold my fire, I'd just go insane.

It's not easy holding back the urge to retaliate... and to be honest, my life isn't all that hard and gloomy. Just routine and lonely, at times. Mostly no one's fault but my own, I guess.

Am I aloof? I don't know... Maybe I'm just too used to being lost in my thoughts, in my own world. There are reasons for aloofness, if that is what you'd call it...

It's so much easier if people think "Jun Ji is so often quiet, and sharp-tongued when he speaks." Then I wouldn't have to live up to expectations. I wouldn't have to please people with my words. I wouldn't have to follow through with the impressions I give people. I wouldn't have to let people know how I really feel about things. I wouldn't have to be... vulnerable.

2007-11-27T23:59:00.001+08:00

I actually slept at 9pm last night. I don't know why... not that I was more tired than usual. Maybe I just felt like switching off. Then I had dreamt a weird dream. It was kind of exciting actually, but it probably wouldn't happen for real.

I think I woke up in the middle of the night. Alone... no music... no one around, except Milk, who was cuddling up, taking up a lot of space. Somehow it felt good, just being alone for a while. Not having to be on my guard... not having to worry about what tomorrow will bring... it's so selfish of me to think that way. I guess since I'm so weird, it doesn't make any difference whether I'm alone or with a group of people whom I know.

It's not that I don't know what to say... it just seems like I'm speaking gibberish. Maybe I shouldn't have worked so hard at English since young. Maybe I should have played more with the neighbourhood boys. Maybe I should have gone to some international school.

Maybe... I'm just someone people love to hate. I do have this major character flaw which I kept an eye on for a while, and managed to overcome... but it's creeping back into my life now, among many other things. On hindsight, I'm such a jerk, and the reason would be a disappointment to people who stand by me.

2007-11-25T22:40:00.000+08:00

Sentosa isn't what it used to be now... Got myself mildly sunburnt, the first time after three and a half years rowing boats in the sun (i.e. kayaking). We attempted to play volleyball, and by some odd manner of coincidence they were having a volleyball tournament just a short walk down the road. So we were surrounded by the best you can find in Sentosa, watching us in astonishment as we tried to serve from outside the court... and failed.

I'm embarking on a thinking trip once again. After surfing through some Friendster profiles and looking at photos of blahblahblah with blahblahblah and blahblahblah, it piqued the appetite of my mind. It's nothing provocative. Well, it might be, but not directly. Just some philosophical matters. It's ironic that hip hop is so much about personal philosophy, yet it's being twisted into a cash cow the world over, and people are making rules out of it. The original guidelines are appreciated and should be respected, but we don't need those rules you came up with yourself. That's your personal philosophy, so don't force it on others and blaspheme their hard work and effort. I was just thinking about Felix's last workshop session, which I freeloaded, and the words he said then, and this came to my mind.

When I first stepped into this world, I didn't care about the frills and clauses and conditions. For me, hip hop dance, funk dance, modern dance, whatever... the only word that mattered to me was 'dance'. 'Hip hop', 'funk', 'modern', who cares, right? You can dance hip hop to classical music, pop to house and whatnot. I'm not so sure now.

There are those pioneers who adamantly disregard all forms of innovation. Their intent is good; they mean to respect the roots of the dances. Then there are those who are always experimenting; to them, stagnation will be the death of things. Who is right? Is there even a right or a wrong? Maybe it is up to us to decide. People criticise us hip hop dancers as pansies being spoonfed in studios. I don't really care, even if it isn't hip hop. I enjoy dancing and it doesn't matter to me what prefix you put on it.

I'm still thinking.

Now Playing: A*teens - Halfway Around The World

This song reminds me of Sze Sian, whom I miss dearly... how I treasure those days, when we were so innocent. I used to think innocence was about a clean mind and all that; my eyes are opened now... but I digress. Such a wastefully cheerful and sappy song, but I love wastefully cheerful and sappy songs. Maybe that's what I am, usually.

I remember before our FYEs in secondary two, we went to her great-uncle's plantation in Batu Pahat. Her parents drove us there. It was awesome. We were singing in the car on the way there, and we had an awesome day and a great dinner with red wine. I'm quite sure we were drunk on the way back, because we went nuts in the car... but I can vividly remember looking out the window and seeing the whole sky full of stars. Wonderful. Those simple pleasures seem to be lost... I want to try and find them again.

2007-11-24T23:38:00.000+08:00

I finally managed to wake up on time, wash up on time, leave the house on time and reach school on time. Unfortunately I was really tired today - to the point I'm subconsciously scribbling notes during service with my eyes closed (I did get everything down though...) and I couldn't catch the beat for the little routine Gin taught today. After all that, I still slept on the bus all the way from Simpang Bedok to Old Airport Road. Well... I feel slightly energised now.

Well... I don't know if it's for sure, but I hope it is. My last block in design school is over. I guess I'm still going to help the girls with the sequins and other stuff for the Christmas competition these few weeks. No way am I going to take part in the Triumph Inspiration Awards... designing lingerie? That's bad for my rep! Although the prizes are pretty ludicrous...

I told Gin about it. She didn't seem too upset... maybe because I'm following in her footsteps, in a way :3

I saw someone cry today. Why are you crying? Maybe it's not my place to ask that question... maybe you think the rest and I should know the answer ourselves. Maybe it's not even us. If only you would confide more in us. You're our beloved tao, don't you think we'd support you the best we can?

To be honest, there's two reactions I have to people who have problems... I'd either rip the heck out of them for pulling other people in, or I'd want to help them. I've seen a lot of the first. I'm hesitant to do the latter, since I might be seen as a meddler. Why can't we let us help each other out? Why can't we let us stay true to ourselves? Why do we have to be so reserved?

If it were me, I could give two poops about whether you mess my problems up further, because at least I know someone cares enough to try to help. Unless you really made a mountain out of a molehill, then I'd be angry for a couple of days; but no grudges, ever. That's what I like so much about people like Mervin. People say things about him, but he's obviously a diamond in the rough compared to the rest of them... a kind and good person at heart.

You know. People say I'm harsh with my criticism. Look at it this way. I could have said much worse things... but I didn't. That was the worst I could think of then. I could have said something like, "She's fat and ugly!" (general example). I didn't. Doesn't that mean I actually think quite highly of those people whom I did criticise?

Why are you people so impatient? My criticism is always later balanced out with praise, and I've always held praise for everybody... though you people probably have ears tuned only for the former, thus you probably never heard me praising anybody.

Yet, I was told people are more sensitive than that. Ok, my bad. You guys are the dopest. But of course.

(Exasperated sigh.)

Now Playing: Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

2007-11-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

Yeah! The group presentation for communicating design ideas is over! Bina said we were fantastic... although I didn't contribute much. Oops. I'm going to miss Jacqueline and Pearlyn Koh and Qi Jia and of course, JOY! Even though you call me cockroach and abuse me emotionally, I shall forgive you. And you owe me money for teh peng... nah, I'm not that petty, though I should be, considering my financial status.

And... the other ADMers who may chance upon this blog might not get this... but I'll miss you girls (and guys) too.

I went for dinner with the Fantastic Four plus Doctor Doom minus Ivy plus Cheris last night. It was surreal. I can't believe the block is going to be over and we won't be seeing each other in class again... being with them is like taking drugs. Especially Ziyang and his obsession with Digimon...

I am SO HAPPY that I totally OWNED my individual report for Leadership and Character. It was on Moses as depicted in the Prince of Egypt, though I mixed in stuff about biblical Moses too. I mentioned Gin in one of the paragraphs too. Don't ask.

Ganbatte, Kevin.

Now Playing: Nobuo Uematsu - Waltz For The Moon

2007-11-17T23:53:00.000+08:00

Today's dance practice was interesting. The physical training was a little easier than usual, but there was a little twist after that for the girls. They had to walk in heels! Then, they had to learn a routine in heels! So the morning was filled with the clicking and clacking of wood on wood mixed with Britney Spears' Barenaked(?)... surreal isn't it.

Suddenly, it was freestyling time! Gin called the breakers, poppers, lockers, reggae and modern dancers (in that order) to come out and show their stuff. It was a real nice show, everyone was in good shape. Weiqiang and Melvyn pulled surprises on us, and pretty much all the poppers were great. I had my turn to lock, but I got nervous and did some really kuku moves. I got to point at Gin though... hehe. I think I screwed up breaking.

Today, I got to watch Aaron from Project O's first batch dance. I was impressed. The passion that such a dancer exudes on stage will make you forget about how "he never really improved that much" and "he's not that good". Sometimes, one will feel that all that stuff about dance being so much about passion is all mush and sentimentality; It's on occasions like these that you know passion IS important.

Now Playing: Alison Yap - Awaken My Soul

2007-11-17T02:07:00.001+08:00

Tai
Yurd
Ah

(Disappointed about Jam & Hop too. Some punk released a lot of roaches at TCC, or so I heard.)

Zzzzzzzz...

2007-11-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

I knew it wouldn't be this easy... trying not to give in, fighting the odds. When I see the expressions on their faces, I can't help but feel my heart sink immensely. You know, sometimes the circumstances can weigh a person down till it numbs his conscience, and the things they keep telling him eventually begin to have truth in his own eyes.

"You're an immature, naive fool."
"You'll never understand people like us."
"You just have to go and be different, to try and change the status quo."
"That's the umpteenth time you've hit someone accidentally... what a lousy dancer."

I can't lose my conscience. I know who I am... I know my intentions... I know what I'm fighting for... The oppression just gets so heavy sometimes. I'm sure people mean well when they smile for me and say they'll be there for me, and I'm so grateful for that, but this battle I'm fighting... can it really be understood?

I feel like Moses who has come back to Egypt, the land of oppression. Once part of the royal family, fallen from their grace because of the greater destiny placed before him...

Now Playing: Hans Zimmer - The Burning Bush

2007-11-14T22:32:00.000+08:00

What an exciting day, I left my wallet on the bus coming home from school and only discovered it when I alighted. By the time I realized it, the bus was already moving.

So... with my IC, EZ Link card, matriculation card and $40+ at stake, I ran. I ran as fast as I could. Thank God for traffic lights. I knocked furiously on the entrance door, and the driver looked at me like I was the plague. Thankfully, he opened the door after I gave him my best facial expressions, and I reclaimed my wallet. Yayyy!

In the afternoon, I watched The Prince of Egypt with Lynette, Kevin and halfway through, Stephanie. Now, before you scoff at the notion of watching a nearly-decade-old cartoon, you have to know that my leadership CDS' individual assignment involves watching a movie that is somewhat related to the subject. The Prince of Egypt was the most appealing on the list.

So there I was, sitting on a pretty uncomfortable chair in front of a roughly 17 or 19 inch CRT TV screen. Can't expect much from a free movie. I thought I would just have a good time, take some notes, enjoy the movie. I didn't enjoy the movie; I was enthralled by it. At one point it nearly moved me to tears. Movies rarely do that for me, so 'moving' is not an understatement. Watch the movie if you can... it's awesome.

~ ~ ~

What is love?

Love is going at it till you feel nauseous.
Love is attending a class where half the people don't know you, and most of those that do, don't like you much.
Love is deciding to continue even though your body is telling you to stop.
It's giving it your all even when you don't know the whole choreography.
It's trying your best even though your toe hurts crazy bad and your shoulder still isn't perfect yet.
It's exploring and doing things you've never done before.

There's other explanations to love too. Different people have different ways. What matters is what you decide to do with them.

Am I in love?

Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will

You will when you believe...

Now Playing: Michelle Pfeiffer & Sally Dworsky - When You Believe (Movie Version)

2007-11-14T01:48:00.000+08:00

Things can change in an instant.
Or is it a different perspective?
Zoom out too much to look at things, and you will be detached from the emotions.
Zoom in too much, the view distorts and skews.

The only constant in this world is change. Sometimes it seems we are hiding behind different masks all the time; but the truth is, we're just changing.

I hope the sun will be out tomorrow!

Finding a way to live
Giving it everything

Finally, I am seeing clearer
Finally, we can be who we are

Now Playing: Lisa Shaw - Grown Apart

2007-11-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

I found this extremely amusing.

Now Playing: Cho PD feat. 인순이 - 친구여 (Oh Friend)

2007-11-12T01:06:00.000+08:00

A city set on a hill
A light that no one can hide
It burns with a dream
The dream ignites us all

Lead me on, to a higher plane...

I'm looking forward to learning more in dance, looking forward to improving.
There is a vision to be realized.
I sound really crazy now.
Hehehehehe.

By the way, I went K-ing today. I had a real good time... singing one octave below everyone. Felt nice singing 'When You Say Nothing At All' though. It was one of those rare English entrees that had the original MV instead of some random European scenery shot at an angle with a random, horribly outdated model walking around and gazing into the camera. K-Box is a good place to discover nice Mandarin songs.

Now Playing: David Yem & KC Gan - Run To You

2007-11-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

I could point out all the flaws in the things you've said. I could go on and on every day about how much injustice there is. I could express myself so vividly and arouse the worst of emotions in all my readers... but this has to stop somewhere...

...because my conscience is clear.

What matters is the heart behind actions, not the results; the heart carries things of eternal value but results amount to nothing when we move on. When the light of peace enters one's heart, the darkness of grief and sorrow is dispelled. What I have in me cannot be defeated. Some people know what I mean, but if you don't, it doesn't matter.

Today, I heard several things from the mouth of Dr Ulf Ekman.

"The world cannot love, it can only smile. It uses friendliness to push its agenda."
"Even in a family, there's all sorts of disagreements... but they stay true."
"Will you smile and use, or will you love and remain friends?"

Reader, maybe this time you're thinking, "This post isn't meant for me, right?"
Wrong. This is for YOU... and it's also for YOU, and YOU, and YOU. It's for everyone, actually.

Will YOU reflect on this? Will YOU act on it?

I used to answer questions myself in my entries. This time, it's up to YOU to answer.

Do you think that I'm talking out of my butt, that what YOU're in now is unsalvageable? Sorry to burst your bubble, but it isn't. If the Pope (not the current one) could forgive his would-be assassin... why can't we do the same to people who haven't even tried to kill us?

~~~~~

I can't write songs, so I guess I'll just take one by Alicia Keys and dedicate it to a special lady...

Alicia Keys - No One

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry cause
Everything's gonna be alright

People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is
Everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel
For you you you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry cause
Everything's gonna be alright

People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is
Everything's gonna be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel
For you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

I know... some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know... people will try
Try to divide something so real

So till the end of time
I'm telling you that...

...no one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

The lady's name is Dance.

2007-11-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

I wonder when people will stop hiding things from me concerning my behaviour and just tell me... instead of keeping it in until a convenient time when it could be used to show what a lousy guy I am. They know that I tend to come up with blunt comments, and that's my fault... so why don't they tell me? They enjoy attacking me all at once is it? Attacking me when I'm down? Saving the 'best' for last?

Is it everyone's duty to make sure I feel wrong? They say everyone's imperfect. So I guess I'm the most imperfect, coming back to affirm how wrong I am when it's supposed to be over. Why? I guess I just have this face and personality that everyone loves to hate. Since people keep finding faults with me, since they would rather not talk to me, since I don't want to belong to some segregationist clan, since they tell me something nice but in the end nothing changes.

The most hurtful thing is they think I don't care. They think that I'm out to get them. I don't attack people. I only defend myself. You know, there's a difference between a passing comment and a serious statement. Sorry if you can't differentiate between the two.

Reader, if you think I'm arrowing you... guess what, I'm not. You're not the only one.

It's getting out of control
I'm backing down this time
I don't wanna fight
I don't care who's right

Now Playing: Jennifer Lopez - Wrong When You're Gone

2007-11-07T00:20:00.000+08:00

I'm tired of trying to be perfect for everyone. I keep on failing anyway. I felt so much better not coming online on MSN for the past two nights. I shall do that more.

2007-11-05T10:28:00.000+08:00

If I can't get my dream job a few years down the road, I really wouldn't mind being a food journalist.
Having lunch on a cool Sunday afternoon is perfect. It feels like I'm hanging out at a resort. Hahahahaha...
Reader, if you happen to pass by Old Airport Road after 7am, make sure you stop and check out the food centre here; it absolutely rocks my world.

Three more weeks till the holidays! Then I have a couple of days to sneak over to JB with Kevin and get some new (fake) kicks. Yeahhh. After that... it's training.

I can't believe I'm still doing ComDI. If Jacqueline read this she'd probably kick my butt right now.

Now Playing: RIKKI - Isn't It Beautiful

2007-11-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry for whatever I've done that has offended anyone.

I just want to improve. Skills, character, whatever.

I hope this makes you people happy.

Why did you all have to change?

I think I danced better when I didn't know anybody.

Now Playing: Fort Minor - Where'd You Go

2007-11-03T01:06:00.000+08:00

Why can't we accept people different from ourselves? Why must we penalise each other so heavily for every tiny mistake we make? Why can't we just set it all aside and improve collectively?

Or are we just trying to make this a clique thing? Hoping one day the people we don't like now will just go away, and we can do our own thing happily...?

Finally, I locked a little in the studio today, after watching videos at the library. One particularly recent routine by Hilty and Bosch caught my eye... probably the "soul locking" that Danny has mentioned to me several times.

But it just feels strange. It feels like there's always people looking at me, questioning my every action.
"You think your locking very good is it?"
"Nothing better to do on a Friday evening so come here and take up space ah?"
"In the breaking group and don't want to sign up for Felix's PDP, still wanna come here and lock..."
"Never go and learn formally still want to show off..."
"Just stick to breaking, you're not really good at anything else..."

Maybe people think those thoughts, or say those things to each other concerning me. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Can I help it? Time and time again people have proven that I'm not worthy of their genuine interest and friendship. And from what I've seen, that kind of means I'm only worthy of being a doormat for them.

2007-11-02T01:58:00.000+08:00

I feel like I've let my parents down. I've always been lying to myself, saying that I'm still alright with my studies. The truth is, I've been deproving all along. Ever since 7 years back, it's been going from bad to worse. Now it has finally hit me. I feel cornered. I don't want to lose this.

What's after this? What am I supposed to do? What can I do?

2007-10-31T23:56:00.000+08:00

The clock is ticking,
Everyone is rushing,
Am I the only one walking slower?
Used to go home,
To cry to myself, alone.
My spirit kept going lower.

Familiarity breeds,
In time, tears stopped flowing.
Perhaps I had become strong.
Yet deep down,
The door had closed.
I had waited too long,

For the day,
Like those long ago,
Of joy and celebration.
There was no reason.
If you understand this,
You glimpse frustration.

I was naive then,
Eager to love and for expression.
In time I learnt it wouldn't be returned.
People left, I stayed.
'It wouldn't always be like that',
Was what I had discerned.

Nothing changed,
Resolve faltered,
The roots ran deep.
It's been a few years.
I can't decide who I am,
From memories I don't want to keep.

If there were a railroad bridge
That spanned the ocean,
I'd walk down about a mile.
Sit down to watch the sun set,
Lie down to count the stars,
Forget my troubles for a while.

If there were such a railroad bridge, would you walk down that bridge with me?

Now Playing: Nobuo Uematsu - Love Grows

2007-10-31T00:29:00.000+08:00

My dad got me a fresh Jordan brand cap. It's tight (as in, tyyyyte). Kind of enjoyed today. Just one more seam and one more waistband before I'm finally done with apparel production 1. Went for CDS with Kevin, and made friends there with Ivy and Ziyang. Two freshmen and two seniors. Hohoho. Really funny class. A little disappointed that I didn't get to dance today.

It feels awkward to post what's in my heart, now that my blog has quite a lot more publicity than before... but I shall try my best. I'm thankful for those people who have said they'll stand by me. Although I probably don't show it, but it really touched my heart. You all know who you are...

I really enjoyed being with this group of people. I feel uninhibited. But I have to apologise, for spacing out so much, for not telling anyone how I feel about anything.

Now Playing: Faye Wong - Eyes On Me

Why do people depend on each other? Eventually, they will leave. Sometimes, it's not their choice. But ultimately, it hurts all the same. When you felt you could have someone to turn to, when you felt you could have comfort... and then one day you realise no one's there anymore. I don't want that to happen again. People say I should talk more. Talking less makes everyone think 'Junji is such an unfriendly and boring guy... let's not talk to him", which makes my life easier actually... I thought I wanted to be close to people. Recently, I've been forced to remember that I'm afraid of being too close, too comfortable... even though I yearn for it. I'm going to play some PS2 now... it'll stop me from thinking for a while.

2007-10-28T16:55:00.000+08:00

I'm hungry and in the mood for shopping. My shoulder/arm still hurts. I don't feel like doing the 3D art journal. I wish I could dance like Danny Tidwell. I feel better now...

And it keeps on saying, come on in, come on in, come on in and save me.

2007-10-28T02:24:00.000+08:00

This bit is about Lynette:

L - long hair... kind of
Y - yellow skin (like all Chinese)
N - needs oxygen
E - eats prata with cheese sausage
T - talks to people
T - takes bus to school
E - expects me to post something less brainless than this

Hahahahaha sorry Lynette, it's 2.40am right now and my mind is blank. I was trying my best to stay awake during service and still only managed to keep one eye open, ok? And I'm posting with crap English today, so don't be disappointed... hehe.

That aside, I want a fresh start. I know roughly what direction I want to move towards. Obviously there will be people who will make this difficult, but I can't expect conditions to be perfect before I make a move can I? I don't know what to think now actually. Don't know who to believe, don't know who to trust, don't know what the heck is going on inside the minds of those around me, don't know what is expected of myself, don't know what people are trying to do to me.

Read the following paragraphs with this knowledge in mind: I am not shooting anyone. These are just the thoughts that ran through my mind today. If you don't feel me, comment like you don't.

To be honest, I thought I was just following what people were already doing. I guess everyone was waiting for some lone sheep to pounce on and tear apart, for me to make a mistake so I would be the one clearing up the mess they made. Everyone. I don't mean just dancers. Lynette said something about me being nice to bully. Don't worry, I'm not that easily offended. I think it just connects with what I'm trying to say.

Yeah... Anyone of you out there, from TKPS to TMS to TP, from 4V to ADM to TPDE, can argue your butt off about this with me, but this is what I feel. It's not even an opinion. It's a feeling. And know this... you're not obliged to make me change the way I feel. Should you be offended, it makes no difference if you try to screw up my life either, because that's already been done.

Tried to tell you all what's going on, but apparently it ain't gonna work. The words I get only apply to me, because I'm the only imperfect one. Another feeling.

By now, you the reader must be sufficiently provoked. Thus I implore you to:
1. Sit down
2. Think about it
Yeah. I'm not trying to be sarcastic. I guess that covers everything.

I guess I'll just go with the flow... just dance.
Gin used a nice song for warmup today.
Gonna donate blood tomorrow. Hope I don't feel funny on Monday.

Now Playing: Mario - Crying Out For Me

1 2 3 4
Yeah (uh huh)
Polow da Don
Listen girl
Mario, let’s go
Ladies...

It’s like you caught up in a maze
You keep on going in circles girl you’re trying to find your way out
But its time I put on my cape and
Put that "S" on my chest
Girl I wanna come and save you
But I’m stuck in the middle of seeing you hurt
I know when you love him
And you wanna make it work
And I can’t help but think that I known you first
It’s getting louder girl
Can’t ignore it no more

I can hear your heart crying out for me (crying out for me)
I can hear your heart crying out for me

(And it keeps on saying) Come on in, come on in come on in and save me
(And it keeps on saying) Come on in, come on in come on in and save me
I can hear your heart crying out for me

Baby, I should’ve never caught no feeling
But baby, having late night conversations on your sofa
You telling me how he played you out over and over, over and over
But I’m stuck in the middle of seeing you hurt
I know when you love him
And you wanna make it work
And I can’t help but think that I knew you first
It’s getting louder
Girl I can’t ignore it no more baby

I can hear your heart crying out for me (crying out for me)
I can hear your heart crying out for me

(And girl it’s saying) Come on in, come on in, come on in and save me
Come on in, come on in, come on in and save me
I can hear your heart crying out for me

2007-10-27T02:35:00.000+08:00

I remember when I was about five or six years old, I had this picture book about these two kids who were left alone at home. They decided to go exploring at night in the garden and shed, and of course, the dark made things look a lot scarier than they really were.

People have told me before that they didn't understand me. Have they tried? Or am I supposed to make them? Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes they never try, and when things happen, I get the ugly end of the stick for not letting them understand.

So I guess I'm supposed to tell people about what troubles me? But they've all proven to me that they can't be depended on.

I don't know why I've posted things about people who haven't really offended me - in my face - all that much, and yet I still haven't said anything about people like them. Is it the disparity of value I place on these groups of people?

Perhaps my subconscious already knows I'm at fault for dancing all the time, and not joining them for Popeye's chicken, not going downtown with them, or whatever.

Even though I tell myself she's not an important person in my life, the way she gives me that dirty look haunts me. The way she influences the rest to outcast me. The way she says 'hi' to Melissa or Shyo but acts like I'm not there. The way she demeans me, practically right in front of her friend. I want to hate her. But I can't. I just can't. I don't know if it's my upbringing or what, but it seems I've turned out to be a sissy who can't stand up for himself.

But you know, that may be a good thing. All that jedi knight jargon about hate leads to suffering and whatnot.

Intentions are never enough, only results are. That's how it works in this world.

There are two sides to everything. Only the wisest see both.

When darkness obscures something, you don't know what it is. It looks like something that could scare you, when it's really just a harmless garden hoe or rake with a rubber hose for a tail. You know?

Of course you don't. But it's ok... probably no one does, but good God.

Now Playing: John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane

2007-10-27T00:59:00.000+08:00

I feel partly responsible. Darn it... why am I always doing things that makes people angry, sad or frustrated? Why can't I ever make someone smile, with genuine happiness, for once?

All along, I've been letting people down. In primary 4, it was my parents. In secondary 2, it was my best friend. Secondary 4, all my classmates. A few months ago... it was you. And now, I don't know just how many people I've let down.

Can I do this? Maybe it's better if I just dance, and forget what goes on between people...

I don't want the world to see me,
'cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

Now Playing: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

2007-10-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, trust is betrayed. Sometimes, you find out someone is not really who you make them out to be, for worse. Sometimes, you wish the persons they are on the outside are the same as those on the inside. Sometimes, it comes as the knockout punch when you've endured all the blows life has dealt you.

But you have to stay happy. You have to stay true to yourself. Even when others are falling, when they follow the crowd not because they want to but because they have to, to stay where they are... You have to keep the faith and trust. You have to know that there are people like you, who don't let themselves get taken away.

Do I have to be nasty and openly critical to be an honest person? Can't I try to be a nice guy and throw away all those negative thoughts instead of nurturing them in my heart secretly? Does that make me suspicious?

Do I practice what I preach? Apparently I don't, but I'm trying... will you all help me?

Now Playing: Mariah Carey - Through The Rain

2007-10-24T00:34:00.001+08:00

Wow, I just discovered for myself, this ultimate backstabber (or maybe just hypocrite) in the club... I'm not very surprised to find out who it is. I wonder if her friends know it. If you all do, you all should save her. Before she goes out and does real damage. Then the tables will turn on her.

Other than that, suffered a disappointment today. And a physical injury. But the hurt can be resisted. I'm worried. About the future. About the people around me. Will everything fall apart? Will there ever be true unity? Am I just being paranoid? Is the moon round? Is there anything to drink in my fridge?

Now Playing: Nobuo Uematsu - Liberi Fatali

2007-10-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

A quiet storm is brewing. It's cold and windy outside. Kind of warm in my room though.

Apparel production is so unbearably irritating sometimes. I think just doing the invisible zipper for the pleated skirts might have caused several white hairs to sprout on my head. The slider actually came off the zip twice. And I had to force it back on both times. My fingers are still hurting. No zippers to sew for the next skirt, thankfully.

I actually unpicked, tacked, sewed, unpicked, sewed again, unpicked again, tacked again and sewed once again from 5.45pm till 10pm. And I actually took a step back from saturday's progress. What the heck. Now I have 6 hours left to finish the skirt. And I have tonight to do the journal, which is supposed to be as long as some martial arts instruction manual.

My cat is empathic to me. When I'm happy and nuts, he avoids me so that he doesn't have to be hugged. When I'm sad and down, he comforts me by approaching me, meowing at me and snuggling up against my leg. That white tub of lard really makes me smile.

2007-10-21T20:24:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 2 in the afternoon today. Immediately went to buy lunch for my dad and sister after brushing teeth... and also read Joshua's message to meet him at Suntec City.

And so I went to Suntec City. Talked about many things. When we parted ways, I decided to go window shopping a little. By myself, yeah. It seemed so long since I took a long walk in Suntec by myself. I guess having to live in Bedok has to do with that. I prefer Old Airport Road. More ghetto, more urban. And more variety of nice food... the Ho Hup Soya Bean auntie is so nice. She took out the ice for me so that I could get more soya milk, and then she asked me to wait so that she could put in more chin chow jelly (she suggested I buy a cup of Michael Jackson instead).

I was about to walk into B.I.R.D. to check out some Nike threads and kicks. Then I heard a familiar piano hook. They were playing Mariah Carey's 'We Belong Together'. It made me think. I miss myself. I'm beginning to be like them. I'm beginning to lose the love.

Can I help it? When all the cliques are established, and I'm still just one guy by himself. Maybe I should blame myself. Maybe I shouldn't have gone dancing so much, so much that my semester 1 classmates stopped treating me like I exist. Maybe I should have kept my thoughts to myself. Maybe I shouldn't try to be funny, after all, not everyone is as liberal and open as me. Maybe I shouldn't talk to the seniors so much, although I honestly feel more comfortable talking to some of them, so that I won't be accused of bootlicking.

But I still feel blessed and thankful for Meiqi, Ah Foong and Gen. They talked to me. Even when I'm not really in a rightest state of mind, they tolerated my constant complaining and chattering. My self-centred rantings.

Complaining, chattering and ranting. I'm gone. I miss you man. I miss Jun Ji. The one who resolved never to hold anything against anyone.

Karl Lagerfeld designed women's lingerie. Therefore, he must have had intimate knowledge of such garments, pardon the pun. I guess that makes him so much more a "guy whom you want to slap" than I am? I only hinted and I never said anything explicit. I wonder why you wanted to blame me when you're the one who wanted to feign ignorance. Yet you had to be so sensitive about it. Why are you dancing hip hop if you're so mindful of being offended? What are you going to do in a real heated battle? Will you hate all the opponents? You're a great mover, but are you aware of the culture of freedom behind what you're dancing?

Are you my friend? Are you someone I can talk to? I didn't realise you were like this. My friend loves you. I don't know in what way, but he does. He's such a nice and friendly guy. I hope he knows who he's loving.

I genuinely loved you people, but I guess it wasn't enough.

When you left, I lost a part of me...

Now Playing: Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

2007-10-16T01:38:00.000+08:00

Chris Brown. I never liked him. I first danced hip-hop to his songs, but I always felt he was a biter (of Usher mostly). Plus his voice has an annoying twang to it.

But when you can feel the music, the rhythm, the lyrics... the artiste doesn't matter anymore. I wish I could put all the blame on you, vilify you. I can't even look at you. I don't know what you want from me now. Maybe you don't want anything. "And I don't wanna see you cry, but I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so..."

You have to understand that I don't, either. Can we just move on? I want to just shout at you, that it was you who kept flaring up, even though I had my bad days too. No... I can't deny that I was pretty screwed up too. Yeah... it wouldn't have worked. We were childish. Maybe you thought it would have. "But you know this thing ain't been no walk in the park for us..."

Since those holidays ended, it's been school and dance non-stop, everyday, night and day. "I gotta make the first move 'cos if I don't, you're gonna start hating me..."

No, you never really understood me. I know you tried, but you couldn't. There were all those awkward silences. And you'd ask me to say something. It was already in me then, that I couldn't tell you what I felt. "Girl, I know your heart is breaking, and a thousand times I find myself asking 'why'..."

Let's just get on with our lives... I'll be honest. I feel burdened with you caring all the time. You had your chance back then, so just stop it. "But we know, that we gotta go, our separate ways..."

Maybe you think that I'm enjoying myself right now. Yes and no. I've learnt to enjoy what life brings, the cyphers, the songs, the scenery, the acquaintances... even though there's still this loneliness and sorrow of having no one to be there for me except the Creator. No, your concern won't help, because you're just looking at the tip of the iceberg. You're just trying to pull me out. But you're not understanding me. There are a lot more people around you that need the same care and concern... I'll be alright on my own. "There's never a right time, a right time to say goodbye..."

Now Playing: Chris Brown - Say Goodbye

2007-09-11T02:48:00.000+08:00

Don't you dare claim that I'm not thinking. You know NOTHING about me either. I mean it.

2007-09-11T00:44:00.001+08:00

I feel inspired and hopeful. My conscience is clear. Let's lock it up.

2007-09-10T02:07:00.000+08:00

I'm sick. Mild flu again.

I'm also sick. Sick of people thinking they know who I am, thinking they know my motives. Sick of being a commodity. Sick of being lied to. Sick of being the one taking all the blame. Sick of being caught up in problems that I had no part in creating. Sick of not having a reason to speak or SMS or type a single word the moment I leave school and go home. Sick of having my demeanour abused.

I keep trying to be nice and funny, don't know if I've succeeded. If I did, apparently I've been taken for a clown and an idiot with no skills.

Thank God for locking. Locking keeps me happy. It is a dance of celebration and cheer. Technique is important in all dances, including locking, but locking is special because character is the ingredient that brings it to the next level. You may have been trained by Shabba-Doo himself but if you don't have the innate joy and appreciation of others, the FUNK, then you're just another narcissistic wannabe who thinks he/she's so 'old school' just because it's LOCKING.

Contradictory it seems, I know. I seem like such an unhappy person, and here I am brushing off lockers with no soul. I want to be happy... but it's hard.

I really regret accepting the offer. I don't know why I did it. I think I'm better off on my own. At least I don't have to be some scapegoat so that the rest can go and gratify themselves on their sticky, saccharine friendship.

www.lifewithoutlimbs.org - a true inspiration. I want to be like him (not physically).

2007-09-05T03:41:00.000+08:00

Tired. Very tired. Physically. I can't rest though... there's so much to do, so little time. Indeed God will reward those who do good works away from the public eye. Sometimes I feel I could use some rest. Especially after 3 consecutive nights of three hour locking sessions each. Plus BREAKING lessons before that. And lectures. and then practice for the SOKA performance. But it's all good. This is part of my dream. Though the caveats aren't, of course.

I wonder if Chunky faced opposition when he started locking the way he does. It's definitely different from how Danny does it. Unfortunately, many local funkstylers nowadays only know Hilty & Bosch and the GoGo Brothers. And Faith Society Crew of course. These guys are dope of course. The cream of their respective crops. Then again, the scope's not only on these. There's funky guys like P-lock too.

Is it wrong for me to just sit by and watch while the rest of the non-funk (I mean this in a technical way) crowd get brainwashed into thinking that there's only one way to lock? Is it wrong for me to actually lock, AS AN INDIVIDUAL, differently from my fellow dancers? Is it wrong to at least acknowledge me as a locker instead of a three year old kid even if your lock fusion technique is extremely refined? Do you people even know what lock fusion is? Do you people even know who Don Campbell is?

Chunky is one of the very very very few normal human beings that I look up to. I wish one day I can, like him, enjoy and celebrate with other lockers the joie de vivre. That is what locking is about. It is a dance of celebration and bonding. Unfortunately, the times I lock in school... I feel like I'm having my O's all over again. No life, no funk, no JOY. Just move sharp and get the angles right.

If you can't bother reading all that stuff up there, remember this only: I am a locker. Please treat me like one - even if you're so much better.

Oh, thankfully there was some life at Studio Wu just now. Well, locking does that. I don't know why it doesn't affect some of those who have been doing it for (apparently) so long though.

2007-08-22T20:38:00.000+08:00

My appetite suddenly peaked today. I actually ate two bowls' worth of minced fish noodles, and had milk and yoghurt after that. Not considering the chocolates I had right before the noodles. Maybe because the weight of that project is over and I haven't been eating all that much recently.

It is said that Paul had an unknown limp, a thorn in his side, that he walked with for a better portion of his life. I remember Pastor Kong mentioning this, and of course, Jacob's case before... I think I know what my limp is. It's rather disheartening, but I am still honoured and happy to simply serve God with my time, my tongue, my good works, my money and my dance.

2007-08-05T15:11:00.000+08:00

Aww. I didn't get in. Didn't even make it past the first round. Kenny told us he was looking more for dancers with potential than skilled dancers. Then again I'm not exactly skilled. Maybe I wasn't on the beat. Maybe doing my freestyle entirely in locking wasn't such a good idea. Maybe I should have looked up more during the freestyle. Maybe my arms and legs were too long. Maybe I just didn't want it enough (I felt strangely calm throughout the whole thing).

But you know, it's over already, so forget that. I still thank God that I am in TPDE, the best dance group in Singapore (to me, hehe). So maybe I'm supposed to rise up there. Maybe Gin purposely told Ryan and Kenny that I shouldn't be in. I don't know. So many maybes. So many excuses. But it doesn't end here. Dance doesn't have to be my ministry... it can be my destiny though. Gonna have fun on Tuesday... sessioning! Oh yeah, thanks for the tag, John.

HERE I COME CHILDREN'S CHURCH!

Ronan Keating feat. Kate Rusby - All Over Again

Turn down the light, turn up the radio
There's a fire in your eyes, and its keeping me warm
Hold on to me like it was yesterday,
When we both felt our spirits collide

I remember the moment, being struck down by lightning
Since the first time I saw your face, and you smiled
Come and lay down with me
Fill the space that's between us
Feel the magic that keeps love alive

This time, can be like the first time
Close your eyes and soon you'll be there
No man could ever guess what you're feeling
Turn a spark to a flame,
Make a wish, close your eyes, won't you start...
All over again

Just like the first time that you touched my skin,
All over again
I tasted heaven take me there again,
All over again
Your smile, your touch, your taste,
It turns me on and on and on,
That I fall in love with you,
All over again

Come and step through the stars,
Take a ride though the universe
As long as we're here, lets take this whole thing in

What I'm trying to say,
Is that you are so beautiful
Let me say it, all over again

This time can be like the first time,
Close your eyes and soon you'll be there
No man could ever guess what you're feeling,
Turn a spark to a flame,
Make a wish, close your eyes, won't you start...
All over again

Just like the first time that you touched my skin,
All over again I tasted heaven take me there again,
All over again
Your smile, your touch, your taste,
It turns me on and on and on
That I fall in love with you,
And I fall in love with you,
I keep falling in love with you
All over again...

2007-08-02T01:29:00.000+08:00

So blessed to have my aunt and uncle come from the Philippines. I'm glad they made it through the heavy flooding in Manila last year. My aunt bought my mother a purse for her birthday. From Hermes. That's right folks, my mother is now the proud owner of a turquoise (kind of looks like the trademark Tiffany & Co.'s Tiffany Blue colour, except a little greener) Hermes purse. And I'm the proud owner of a nice brown leather air walk bag and AUDIO-TECHNICA HEADPHONES (mine are the black ones). Um. Well. I bought those myself.

That aside... school is starting to feel less on-end now and more meaningful. Not looking forward to textile manipulation (who in the world still wears tie-dye clothes?!). Luckily, textile fundamentals is at least somewhat interesting and fulfilling, thanks to Berni. But even she has problems keeping the class awake in the cool and dark of the classroom. Not her fault, the environment is just plain sedative.

Project O auditions on Sunday. It is all up to God now. Hope I can get some last minute tips from Raazmy.

2007-07-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

Nowadays, no one knows what "understatement" means anymore. Less than a decade ago, there was the minimalist movement. Now, we move to the gaudy, garish and excessive. More attention means bigger fashion statement.

Really, I think we should expand our capacity to handle aesthetics - and the fact that they don't follow a linear curve when it comes to good and bad. If you are going to take the way you carry yourself, the way you dress up, the way you sing, the way you do everything over the top, then you are in dire need of contemplation, wisdom and probably maturity. I doubt understanding aesthetics is very simple, so don't try to act like it is. You will look foolish.

Source: Wikipedia
Shibumi (渋み, noun), is a Japanese word which refers to a particular aesthetic of simple, subtle, and unobtrusive beauty. Like other Japanese aesthetic terms, such as iki and wabi-sabi, shibui can apply to a wide variety of subjects, not just art or fashion.

Originating in the Muromachi period (1333-1568) as shibushi, the term originally referred to a sour or astringent taste, such as that of an unripe persimmon. Shibui maintains that literal meaning still, and remains the antonym of amai (甘い), meaning 'sweet'.

However, by the beginnings of the Edo period (1603-1867), the term had gradually begun to be used to refer to a pleasing aesthetic. The people of Edo expressed their tastes in using this term to refer to anything from song to fashion to craftsmanship that was beautiful by being understated, or by being precisely what it was meant to be and not elaborated upon. Essentially, the aesthetic ideal of shibumi seeks out events, performances, people or objects that are beautiful in a direct and simple way, without being flashy.

Expert singers, actors, potters, and artists of all other sorts were often said to be shibui; their expertise caused them to do things beautifully without making them excessive or gaudy. Today, sometimes baseball players are even said to be shibui when they contribute to the overall success of the team without doing anything to make themselves stand out individually.

2007-07-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

JoJo - Note To God

If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away,
For love to overflow
If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to end
For peace to mend this world
I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love because love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from You
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
'Cause it seems like so much is going wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God
I would say what on my mind
I'd ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
And I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love because love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from You
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
'Cause it seems like so much is going wrong
On this road we're on

No, no no no
We can't do this on our own
So...

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love because love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from You
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
'Cause it seems like so much is going wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God...

2007-07-02T04:35:00.000+08:00

God gives man talent. Talent is wasted without hard work. Hard work comes from initiative. When it comes to your visions and dreams, don't be a robot who waits patiently for input - be independent, except for the higher power that dwells inside.

2007-06-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

I love Gin's choreography. It looks so hard, but it's so easy to catch and flow with. The bounces are probably harder, heh. Too bad my supposed group didn't submit my name for VIBES, or I'll be performing sooner than I expected. And my seniors are still calling me Locker. Only Jean found out my name today when she was going around taking attendance.

June is over, and birthday blessings have overwhelmed me in a giant tsunami. Probably the best birthday I've ever had, and not only because of the gifts, but the people who were there to tell me "Happy Birthday"; Junhui, JP, Sweemin, Jessica, Max, Chun Kiat, Henry, E385, Jolina, Ili, Yan, Sihui, Stephanie, Farah, Benn, Sheryl, Cadence, Alicia, mother and father and sister, John, Wyelin, Adrian, Angel, Max (TMS). Thanks to all of you guys.

1. Printed Converse Chucks from mother
2. Matsu shirt from father
3. Topman T-shirt from sister
4. Donut Factory donuts! from Junhui
5. Myuk wallet from E385
6. Heeren shopping vouchers from JP, Jessica, Sweemin, Adrian and Wyelin
7. Gatsby Moving Rubber Loose Shuffle wax from JP
8. Striped coat-of-arms t-shirt from Thailand from Chun Kiat
9. Dunkin' Donuts (not found in S'pore) donuts from Chun Kiat
10. Dope as heck TRP hoodie from Henry
11. All those stingrays from the gang

Thanks again people!

Suddenly it struck me that I'm still a nobody. But it also strikes me that that is going to change soon.

2007-06-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

2007-05-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

Yeah man. I passed the auditions for TPDE hip hop. Yeah man.

Computer lag man. Tired man.

2007-05-15T19:46:00.000+08:00

Wah cool man I just discovered rotating shoulder freeze for myself. Just need to work on it. But I really need to stop doing shoulder freeze. Lol. I finally got my windmill collapse.

Tomorrow, I will receive:
1. Results
2. Spectacles
3. Parade Of Schools practice

2007-05-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

My appetite has been increasing over the past few days. Jupiter Cafe's portions suck. Canteens are the best. I think I have the best ADM class.

My left wrist hurts when I compress it... looks like I have to lay off the breaking for a while.

Every night I pray...
Every step I take...
Every move I make...
Every single day...

I'll be missing you...

Now Playing: Puff Daddy & Faith feat. 112 - I'll Be Missing You

2007-05-01T00:56:00.000+08:00

WAH I'M FINALLY GETTING A NEW PAIR OF SPECTACLES!

Finally I won't be impeded by slipping glasses when I move abruptly. Which reminds me, I've been doing pirouette and weight change exercises until I feel like puking. But I feel much more stable than two months ago. Woohoo. It's good for your abs.

I like the way this girl I know dances when she gets angry. She says it's not dancing but I think it qualifies. It's really funny.

2007-04-30T00:09:00.000+08:00

School is finally starting for real. It's just a three hour day though. But hey, I can meet my class for the first time and go and have dinner with them. One thing I like about this school is that it feels cosmopolitan without trying very hard. There's so many truly unique people in here. Ok, now that that's done with...

Happy birthday Hector! Hope you get into FBodz. Or fBodz. Or Fbods. Foreign Bodies la.

2007-04-29T02:34:00.000+08:00

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry," like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

2007-04-27T01:23:00.000+08:00

Note: Some artistic works contain vulgarities (that sentence didn't come out the way I wanted...) and not-so-refined ways of putting points across. But they were created by a person and surely that person would like to have his work respected and shown in it's original fullest form, as intended, instead of happy-fied. So...

Fort Minor - Where'd You Go

She said, "Some days I feel like shit,Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing ...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

2007-04-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

Yoyoyo wassup yo. Dis be JJ from downtown L.A.... I mean, Orchard Road wif da latest lowdown yo. Actually I wuz at school checking out all da cool cee-cee-ayz and all, and I met my main men and chickz Brandon, Bryan, Sihui and Jingyun yo. So we wuz lyk, gonna go down to Chinatown... I mean, Orchard Road yo, to catch dis movie called Wild Hogs yo. Man, typing lyk dis is tiring yo. I'll just put some picz up on hea yo.

2007-04-22T17:34:00.000+08:00

Ella se luce pa que la vea,
Ehya ehya ehya,
Se menea se menea,
Bailando te rodea...

Design orientation camp was a blast man. The first day was really crappy and everyone was cold and dead. Then we came back on the second day and for some reason everyone warmed up a little overnight. And everything kicked off... meet my new friends:

Benn
Looked like a violent ah beng at first, but he's actually pretty meek. And his reactions to some things is really funny. He's a pretty open guy too. He pasted a sticker saying "squeeze this" somewhere on myself, so he must be pretty bold. Probably the closest acquaintance I made during orientation.

Winnie
Is a really small girl with eyes covering half her face. She's awesome because she's actually one year older than me but she looks four years younger. So cuuuuute. And she was an expedition kayaker... which amazes me even more.

Brian
Seems like some emo fellow who doesn't cheer at all. I mean AT ALL. But besides that he's a really nice guy. I appreciate him lending me his Body Shop shower gel which was raspberry flavoured, so I could smell like raspberries after bathing. He looks ang moh too.

Sihui
Looks like your typical average girl-next-door, but she's actually really sophisticated and cool-headed. Before nightwalk we were talking about how fake the GLs' ghost stories were, and I had the feeling she was faking her coolness (she said she was tired). But she really maintained the tiredneedsleep face throughout the whole thing.

Row
Is actually called Rohani or something like that. She's the most homely GL, and she always looks stressed. When I asked her why, she told me she had a lot of projects to do. So nice of her to sacrifice her time for orientation.

Fikry
Is another GL who has the semi-mat look but is a real nice guy. He seems like those innocent person who is bullied easily, but he's friendly. Kind of reminds me of Johnny from the Outsiders.

Lilin
Responded to Benn's "squeeze this" sticker. Go figure.

Alicia
Is the first coursemate I met. She reminds me a lot of Ginny because she has the girl-next-door look. When she smiles she reminds me of myself, eyes disappearing and all. I always see her with the second coursemate I met,

Jaslyn
Looks like a really pleasant person, like the sort who will never get angry. She's also really friendly and remembers my face. Yay!

Nicholas
Is the first male coursemate I met. He's recognisable due to his bleached fringe and big eyes and fair complexion. He is the nice-guy sort, quite unlike...

Ronald Koh
Must be the best sixteen year old b-boy I've ever seen in Singapore. He can do one rotation of a pretty straight 1990, and infinite windmills (a little on the slow side but good form). His toprock is nice too. His popping and robot? First rate. He's a pretty sociable person who gained a bad-boy reputation (sort of) on the first day of orientation. Long story. Which brings me to...

My first public performance! Well, not really performance. More like a cypher. What happened is, to finish off the whole freshmen orientation, TP organised a jam and hop, which is like a club set up in school. However, the Design School had it's own jam and hop too, except with recorded hip hop and reggaeton and R&B and other dance music. So, live amateur rock band or well-produced pre-recorded dance music? If you know me, the answer is obvious.

So I was looking at Ronald strutting his stuff, and I had the urge to get in there too. Design school has like four billion great poppers and probably the most bboys in the entire TP (I think). I found Kevin from Apple there, and I was urging him to follow me into the circle. Yes, you read that right, everyone there formed a circle for the daring ones to show their SOUL. So after asking him repeatedly to support me to no avail, I heard the lyrics above and was inspired to step in. The rest is history. I liked the shoulder freeze and the box split I performed. I had no idea I could do the latter, although my knee is aching again... someone sponsor my kneepads please.

Now Playing: Wisin Y Yandel feat. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Fatman Scoop & Melissa Jimenez - Wanna Ride

2007-04-21T23:30:00.000+08:00

2 Samuel 6:14 "Then David danced before the Lord with all his might..."

Yes, I like to dance,
I don't wanna stop,
I can feel my feet, moving
Makes me hot,

'Cos I wanna let go,
But I'm in control
I need to ride,
Watch my body go...

2007-04-17T00:35:00.000+08:00

Dilemma again:

To join Apple, or not to join Apple?

Of course I won't abandon Project Fusion/Neighbourhood/Unlimited. But I don't know if I'll die of exhaustion from running here and there if I add one more thing to my life. Although they have the lobang and all for competitions and such...

Aiya... forget all that... I was reminded today that my girlfriend is hot and spicy beyond comprehension.

2007-04-14T02:26:00.000+08:00

I think I really should stop wanna-b-boying around and start choreographing some moves for the crew, or Valerie will stab me in the face. I think I really should get kneepads soon so I can seriously try box-splitting. I think I really should do more stretching and isolation exercise so I can lock like a pro and make Hector jealous. I think I really should go back O School to learn some new stuff instead of relying on Youtube for inspiration.

Oh yeah, we didn't get it. Surprise surprise, two out of three finalists belonging to DN1. And I'm not sour-graping.

2007-04-13T00:32:00.000+08:00

Out of all the jackets in my closet... (I have as many jackets as t-shirts probably)
I must say I love my high quality fake (I think) Bape hoodie that I brought from Malaysia the most.
Usually I wouldn't endorse getting fakes but I find that A Bathing Ape likes to rip people off, so why not?

This weekend is Benny Hinnhinhinhinhinhinnnnnnnn........ He kind of reminds me of Professor X with hair... got the power and all... although it's not his own power... but yeah...

I can't wait for orientation. It's an overnight camp plus a trip to Sentosa. So fun. Okay, I hope it's fun and I hope I meet fun people.

Now Playing: Jay Chou - 霍元甲

2007-04-12T02:59:00.000+08:00

I serve a perfect God, not an imperfect human being.
So as much as I hate being assumed to be of lousy character...
As much as I can't stand being provoked over a small mistake or a 2-minute trip to the drink stall...
As much as I am doubted by many and misunderstood by all (probably)...
As much as people don't know what I feel...

My God saved me and I am indebted to Him.

Ah yes... Now I remember why I dance.
I dance because there is no other way of expressing myself. To let myself explode without hurting anyone. To take away the hurt, to make myself smile.

My God loves me and I will dance for Him.

2007-04-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

p & l says (12:18 AM):
but i like their singer much more than evanescence one. this one so nice.
whisper sweet nothings. says (12:18 AM):
duh. lol. this one is like light the evanescence one is like black
whisper sweet nothings. says (12:18 AM):
evanescence one is like when u committing suicide that time can listen
p & l says (12:19 AM):
no la. driving mitsubishi can listen.

You don't know it... driving Mitsubishi can be like suicide...

Now I shall wait for lawsuit.

2007-04-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

1. Fusion Reaction
2. Reaction
3. Neighbourhood
4. Unlimited
5. Brooklyn in Asia

We are seeking a vision...

2007-04-07T02:09:00.000+08:00

Today, at hall 7, I was spacing out when suddenly, music filled my ears. I'd heard the song several times, but it never really got my attention until then. This is one of the rare occasions where the lyrics hit me as hard as the score. It makes me recall that group of people known as 4 Versatility, class of 2006.

Not necessarily happy memories... but I don't know, they give me confidence now when I compare the past and present. I was different. I didn't even try to be different. I was different from everyone else. Differences brought out the worst in me. But you have to remove the dirt and soil to get to the treasure, right? Wipe away the grime that's keeping gold from shining the most brilliant? I really have to thank 4V for shaping me into who I am today. And I'm not being sarcastic this time...

Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I’d just stare out my window
Dreamin’ of what could be
And if I’d end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

I’ll spread my wings
And I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes
Till I touch the sky
I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Out of the darkness
And into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Want to feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jet plane
Far away and break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me but
Gotta keep movin’ on movin’ on
Fly away break away

I’ll spread my wings
And I’ll learn how to fly
Though it’s not easy
To tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away, break away
Break away...

2007-04-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

Yay... I'm so happy! In two nights, I learnt (but never master, obviously) the:
1. 4-step
2. 7-step
3. Some sort of sweep
4. Some freeze which I can't name
5. Shoulder freeze
6. Two handed Nike kick
6.5. 5-step, which I got down but immediately forgot how to do

The shoulder freeze was really addictive; my shoulder is now bruised as a result. The two handed Nike was surprising. It's easier to hold than a normal handstand.

But despite learning all these bboying moves... still prefer locking.

Now Playing: Hideki Naganuma - Let Mom Sleep (No Sleep mix)

Credit goes to Ryan for helping me find the title of this track. (Apparently, this mix is the one I'm looking for, but great thanks anyway.)

2007-03-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

It's been a year since I moved to Tanah Merah. I will be moving back in a couple of months. There is something that I find hard to believe though; after so long, I still haven't went swimming in the pool downstairs. It's been there for me to use all this time but I've never used it. It's like how many people have opportunities to take, right under their noses, but they procrastinate and procrastinate until one day the opportunity is gone. Then they start regretting and all. Actually... I want to swim... but I can't find people to swim with me.

EDIT: The last sentence is meant to be taken at face value. It has no metaphorical value. I really, simply, without a doubt, no strings attached, no frills, just can't find swimming friends.

2007-03-30T12:13:00.000+08:00

My mind must be really warped. I remember I said that I should go for rehabilitation in the IMH several months ago. I guess it's underlying fear that causes me to act like I do. Fear again. This feels like a reversal of what was supposed to be.

2007-03-28T23:09:00.000+08:00

MY GOSH. Those two crazy poppers/lockers apparently have a huge bunch of accolades for all their dancing. I can't believe we're up against this much this year. Wah feel like puking. Must go SMU must go SMU must go SMU. Must practice must practice must practice.

2007-03-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

Authority for victory is so good. So interesting. I was like gaping in awe at all the fascinating stuff. Best history lesson ever. And it's only lesson one. Lesson two is pretty much completely based on what happened between first verse and second verse. TOHU VA BOHU.

Here is a note to a friend: Watch yourself. I see you are edging slowly into elitism. I remember one pastor ever recounted this anecdote back in the Jurong West days: He had seen a drunkard outside his hotel, and for a moment pride caught him and he thought to himself "I'm glad I'm not like him". Then the Holy Spirit gave him a good shake and told him that...

The only difference between you and the people out there is Jesus Christ.

Your actions may be humble, but do your thoughts and words follow?

2007-03-28T01:16:00.000+08:00

Crap la. I knew there was something there. The bloody damned spirit of fear. I want to break Satan's neck now for creeping in. You little idiot. Luckily you're gonna burn in hell.

2007-03-27T01:40:00.000+08:00

Today is so scary. I felt something scary at the second floor of that tower at Sentosa. It wasn't the rats, because rats aren't as scary to me as millipedes, centipedes, caterpillars or worms. Maybe it was girlfriend's fear. Fear as a spiritual entity has tormented me (and probably every human being) every once in a while during certain periods in my life. This time it didn't even come to me directly but somehow manifested itself to me anyway. Don't ask me how. I just felt it - a bad feeling.

But fear is always temporary (or we would all go crazy). Love can be for eternity, otherwise generally lasts much longer. So I walked home feeling loved and happy (and oblivious to some happenings at Pasir Ris). It kind of reminds me of Love Hina. Despite all the crazy, potentially frightening stuff that happens, love and joy always prevails in the end (no matter how cheesy it looks or sounds). Oooh. I want to re-read Love Hina again.

Now Playing: Yui Horie & Yuuji Ueda - Be For You, Be For Me

2007-03-25T22:41:00.000+08:00

Wah... Changi beach is the best place to go stargazing in the whole of Singapore, I think. But it's really good. Just not so good on Sundays.

Today, one sentence took a heavy burden off my shoulders. I don't know who it's from, because I read it from a book (I pointed that sentence out to you, missy) and I didn't check who the author was.

I would like to go stargazing with sushi again.

Now Playing: Susan Bell - My Only Star

2007-03-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

I get the itching feeling I will get hit by diabetes soon. I received a substantial bag of gummies today from a primary school girl, who had previously given me a box full of all kinds of sweet stuff (apart from sausages and cherry tomatoes). But you know... I don't mind getting diabetes this way. Hahahahahahahaha... The previous week has been the single most joyful and wonderful week in my life, I feel.

Aiya. Fusion Reaction (Project Fusion for now) is such a talented group. Hector is a b-boy in the making. I'm proud to be the leader.

2007-03-22T17:24:00.000+08:00

Let me tell you a story.

About a week ago, I stayed over at James' house. He let me use his wax. It's called Gatsby Power Fiber Type Styling Wax. I shall just call it Power Fiber. It is very good to use. Unfortunately one bottle costs $8. But God is good, and today, we went to Bedok interchange's Guardian. Lo and behold, Power Fiber for $4.20, as stated on the big, red-framed OFFER! price tag. Our jaws hit the floor immediately.

That's not all. I went to the cashier. I looked in my wallet for $0.20. I only had a 5-cent coin. Darn. But LO AND BEHOLD, the register read "$3.95", so I ended up paying less than half the usual price for a bottle of Power Fiber.

Even if it's just styling wax... God blesses people.

EDIT: My new medium term goal is to become a bolster.

2007-03-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

I have a new favourite movie. It's called Stomp The Yard. It's about stepping competitions in university. "Stepping" is something like tap dancing, except more scary and with clapping. I am inspired to learn a forearm pike. It looks so cool. In the mean time I shall be content with my extremely bad windmills and slightly better swipes.

I noticed that my sister is wearing leggings today. Seems like everyone and her mother is wearing leggings now. But Valerie has got to be the leader in legging fashion. I like her electric blue ones. Must have broken some necks when she stepped into the MRT.

Suddenly there are so many things to eat at home. Cadbury's Black Forest chocolate slab, white Toblerone, cherry tomatoes, sausages, Honey Stars and more. Looks like I'll gain some weight over the next couple of weeks.

2007-03-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

I was bitten by all sorts of critters today.

2007-03-19T02:29:00.001+08:00

Maybe I should just become Squall.

2007-03-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

I feel scared. I feel like the path ahead is so uncertain. But you know, great things follow uncertainty and risk. So I want to take the risk.

Talk cry shout
scream beat slap
hug bite lean
kiss kick punch
smile :]

Suddenly the sadness took my soul,
Away like the rain on a perfect day...
But let me go and live this life...

2007-03-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

Right now, I feel like I can go to SMU's School of Economics and Social Science and start dancing by myself even if PF doesn't make it to the finals. Maybe I feel rested after all the dancing and sleeping late for the past few days. And the pressure from auditioning is off.

I sure hope we make it to the finals. Even if the competition is tough, who needs to win? All I want is to express myself.

Now Playing: Show Luo & Koda Kumi - Twinkle

2007-03-15T03:44:00.001+08:00

I want words of affirmation.

2007-03-15T01:11:00.000+08:00

I've been dancing for 6 hours on average for the past 5 days. My forearms and hamstrings are aching. There's an abrasion on my bruised left elbow. My left knee is also bruised. I'm getting pretty sick of listening to 精舞门.

But that's a small price to pay for learning the windmill, mastering the applejax and getting 95 seconds worth of choreography for everyone to learn. And tomorrow's the audition. If we get past, I'm gonna dance. For real. On stage. Woohoo.

For the next few days though, I shall catch up with my social life and listen to something other than 精舞门.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I dance until six pack come out. Cool huh.

Now Playing: 曹格 & 卓文萱 - 梁山伯与茱丽叶

2007-03-13T03:24:00.000+08:00

I know this is late but...

I missed mass communication by 1 point! But it's ok. I'll probably have a more flexible schedule in ADM (as flexible as a project-orientated course can be). And TP is nearer to my house. And TP's dance is good (so I heard). And TP has Temasek in the name. And TP is near Bedok Reservoir. I can go there and have a free drink anytime I want.

And this is even later, but I just thought I should bump up this post from a few weeks ago...

"She was there for me. She was there to hold my hand."

"Made you feel safe and secure?"

"Sure..."

"But she left. Just disappeared."
"I'm afraid... afraid of having that feeling of comfort taken away."

"You were afraid of losing us?"
"Was that why you kept your distance?"
"You missed out on all the good things in life..."
"You missed out on so much..."

"...Maybe..."

"Definitely."

2007-03-12T01:18:00.000+08:00

"Wah lao"

It is the most controversial word I use nowadays. People tell me it's akin to calling God's name in vain. I don't know though. I've never associated "wah lao" with God. I associate it with "father" or "uncle" as in "lao ah pek". So I find it kind of silly to deprive myself of this expressive exclamation. Hope you all understand.

2007-03-11T01:45:00.000+08:00

Hector do locking look like skeleton.
I do six-step until become 8-, 9-, 10-step.
Siying got powerful movement.
Valerie reminds me of Xiao En (who doesn't remember me).
Jolina very the creative.
Huifen is a necessity. And she very nice.
Chloe is patient. We gonna chiong her.
Wan Hong... WHERE THE HECK IS WAN HONG?!?!

If we don't make it past auditions, then this post go to waste. If we do... this is a precursor to big big things. Anyway, Ryan will be my instructor by next year (I hope), so hopefully if nothing materialises this year, got more hope next year. In the mean time, must brainwash myself with this song.

预备起行头全部要带齐点名
准备跟我上街去游行
Body 今天要证明
什么舞通通都搞得定
跌烂你眼镜

小老弟年轻耍酷那一丁点本领
洗耳恭听快卯起来学艺
大发善心收徒弟
想要学习皮要绷
要跟我跟紧

I wanna know 你行不行
You gonna know 别怀疑你自己的本领
You gonna know 我是冠军
You gonna know... we got to show
我有一条特别了不起的神经
越跳越带劲
无师自通任督二脉畅通无比
十八般舞艺

拎拎听说你想要报名考虑
有没有那根筋我看一眼就搞定
凡事都要照规定
精舞门里什么都不浪得虚名

不能乱吃冰淇淋蒙眼睛
对待所有的敌人都尊敬
大半夜上床戴耳机
节奏当催眠的声音
作梦都不停

By the way. For now, we're using Janet Jackson's Get It Out Me for auditions. It kind of sends chills down my spine, I think because it's a Janet Jackson number. Here are some of my songs though (didn't get to show off my less-heard-of collection):
m-flo loves LISA - Tripod Baby
m-flo loves Crystal Kay - Do U Like It?
Epik High - Paris
Epik High - Fly
Rain - Still Believe
Se7en - Passion (used by Joyous Perfection last year)
吴克群 - 男佣
罗志祥 - 精舞门 (the song above. MV got COOL LOCKING MOVES.)
罗志祥 - 幸福猎人
Prodigy - Breathe
Prodigy - Firestarter
Prodigy - Voodoo People
Hiroki Wada - Mystic Eyes
Daniel Bedingfield - James Dean [I Wanna Know] (Eng. version of 精舞门)
(a whole bunch of m.o.v.e songs here)
Gloria Estefan - Oye! (?)
Gloria Estefan - Heaven's What I Feel
Teddybears Sthlm & Mad Cobra - Cobrastyle (used in some TMS ACES day thing)
Tashannie - Don't Bother Me

m-flo collaborations are the best. I shall convince my group to use. Hehehe.

2007-03-09T00:49:00.000+08:00

People that have problems with expectation management require the stamp of approval from me, which is found on my ring, which is found on my clenched fist which is supposed to punch them in the face. It's fine if you studied hard and couldn't get cream-of-the-crop results, and didn't get posted to the school or course you wanted. But if you were obviously slacking around before exams or if you're disappointed because you got 7 points instead of 6... you really do need my stamp of approval upon your forehead.

Unsatisfied 7-, 8-, 9-pointers, how do you think those people who aren't as gifted academically as you feel when you spout your complaints about how you OH MY GOSH COMPLETELY MISSED 9A1S BY SO MUCH? You may not notice it, but your ego has gotten larger than your forehead and assessment book collection combined. Stow it and enjoy your time in Singapore's top junior colleges, even if it isn't RJC or Hwa Chong. As if being in RJC or Hwa Chong will really affect your chances of gaining that scholarship from some big name university.

And for the former example... I won't be so harsh. But you should know that, most of the time, life doesn't reward laziness. Maybe you've managed to convince yourself you've been studying a lot before the exams. In actuality, perhaps you were having a gossip session with your friends and enjoying a cuppa while your books lay open and neglected on the table in front of you. Stop crying. It's all in the past.

By the way, I was kidding about my stamp of approval. I just wanted to get my message across, especially to those obnoxious hyper-perfectionists (perfectionists doesn't even cut it). That's why my paragraph to them is kind of... heart-stabbing.

If you think I'm talking about you, and you're asking yourself, "What is this guy on? What did I do to offend him?", you're probably not one of those people. The accused will be hit by my message so hard they will collapse and require first aid before their brains can come up with a response.

I'm exaggerating, of course.

Now Playing: Gary Cao Ge - 3_7_20_1

2007-03-08T15:21:00.000+08:00

What is the difference between a poem and a song? A song has music to accompany words. Thus, there is a visceral quality found in songs that is absent in poetry.

Why am I telling you this? Don't judge the song by the lyrics. Of course lyrics do make up some part of the song. But if the music doesn't make you feel anything... what's the use? Might as well read the Bible or some romantic novels.

2007-03-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

I've been sleeping for a long time... it was surreal when I woke up. The house was silent but for the ambient noises coming from downstairs. The wind was blowing, a very cool wind. The sky is incredibly clear. The sun is casting its brilliance on the world all around. In these moments, I can just fly away.

2007-03-04T07:39:00.000+08:00

Did you really mean what you said? It doesn't seem like you did. It felt like I was ditched in favour of people who seemed more interesting to you. Maybe I was right. Maybe my expectations of people should be kept to a minimum. Maybe you're just like those people before you whom I thought I would have some value to. Or maybe I'm just overreacting.

Why do people depend on each other?

2007-03-03T02:38:00.000+08:00

Posting results are just 3 days away. I can't wait. Then after that I can't wait for school to start. Then after that I can't wait for school to end. And after that I can't wait for the monsoon season to end. After that, I can't wait to go to Sentosa and run around in the sun for one whole day. Then after that I can't wait for Emerge. Which reminds me, I can't wait to know if we'll have a proper dance crew by the time we need to audition.

Under the sea,
Under the sea
你的辽阔里
你的蔚蓝里
充满神秘
每一个幸福的海域
都有一颗海洋之心

Under the sea,
Under the sea
Nobody beat us, fry us
And eat us in fricassee
We what the land folks loves to cook
Under the sea we off the hook
We got no troubles, like is the bubbles

2007-03-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

We people should take life seriously. But not too seriously. Or we will screw everything up, especially our foreheads when they get all wrinkly and pitted. We don't always have to think so deeply, or we will get lost in our thoughts. We don't have to show that we aren't superficial people, because that's superficial in itself. We should just be people, a little like those that you see walking on the street listening to happy pop music.

123456
秀出猎人电流
给你快乐我最拿手
Come on, let's go
123456
不想欲擒故纵
幸福直接命中
Come on, let's go

2007-02-28T03:04:00.000+08:00

I'm veh de addicted to this song:

Gary Cao Ge - 两只恋人

傻傻两个人
许过一个愿
当时星星眨着眼
看起来并不远

为你长翅飞
为你被风吹
请你千万要等我
带幸福来给你的那一天

春天散步夏天看海秋天数落叶
一直没有烦恼
一直没有争吵
让每天像糖一样甜

冬天飘雪我是棉被温暖你的夜
一直在你身边
一直爱到永远
你就负责靠着我的肩

贴着你的脸
拍一张照片
世界是很复杂的
要靠我近一点

但愿你每天
幸福又安全两
只恋人手牵手
谁也不用再跑给谁去追

2007-02-25T01:57:00.000+08:00

They say pride comes before destruction. Therefore this blog may be closing soon, because I'm proud of the impeccable standards in vocabulary and grammar consistently produced (with contractions where convenient) on this blog. The structure, punctuation, rhetoric and, hopefully, fresh content have all been meticulously crafted to give you - the reader - maximum enjoyment and entertainment while reading through the past ninety-seven entries.

This entry is such a piece of crap. What bull.

Now Playing: 刘畊宏 - 彩虹天堂

2007-02-22T18:39:00.000+08:00

Just in case you misunderstood the previous entry, I bought a cheapo digital audio player because I can't afford those pretty things from Apple or Creative or SanDisk or iRiver or Samsung. Not even the iPod shuffle. So sad huh? Well, life is like that. I don't know whether it's because I'm content with what I have or because circumstances just happen to be bad.

Since a couple of years ago, I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle. Motorcycles are nice, but the main reason I want to ride one is because I probably can't afford a car until I've spent about a decade in the workforce or something. I know they possess an inherent dangerous trait to them, and for some reason testosterone-overloaded guys are attracted to that, which in turn probably lends even more to the annual motorcycle mortality statistics.

I'm not saying I'm a new-age limp-wristed tight-jeans politically-correct sensitive clean-shaven cologne-reeking person, but I think I'm at least a little less showy and more responsible and safety-conscious when it comes to this sort of thing (I hope). Heck, I never knew how to drift a bicycle until I was fourteen. And I love things with motors and wheels. And I want to have the freedom to go wherever I want (legally). Remember those bumper cars at hall 6 during the Christmas carnival? I must have spent more time driving around than actually bumping other cars. So maybe riding a motorcycle seems nigh-unavoidable for me.

Perhaps finances will somehow come along or someone will drop a car into my lap (not a Korean, Malaysian or Chinese make, I hope), but in the meantime, the prospect of riding a motorbike is very appealing.

Aprilia RS125. I don't mind having one...

2007-02-21T21:37:00.000+08:00

I just bought myself a cheapo digital audio player today. It's so cheap you can smell its cheapness from a mile away. It's called "Absolut MP3". The screen is obviously tilted by 2 or 3 degrees. The buttons are going to make my fingers strong.

But it plays music wonderfully, because that is its function. Even though it's some no-name (Absolut MP3...?) China brand, it still performs better than my branded Korean handphone in this area. I can pay $1000 for a handphone that does everything adequately. But for the same amount of money I can get separately an mp3 player, digital camera and handphone that perform their respective tasks much better.

That is the power of focus. Don't try to be good at everything if it'll affect the one thing you're actually good at.

2007-02-19T03:03:00.001+08:00

They don't call you what I used to call you now...