on my way

27 October 2007

I remember when I was about five or six years old, I had this picture book about these two kids who were left alone at home. They decided to go exploring at night in the garden and shed, and of course, the dark made things look a lot scarier than they really were.

People have told me before that they didn't understand me. Have they tried? Or am I supposed to make them? Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes they never try, and when things happen, I get the ugly end of the stick for not letting them understand.

So I guess I'm supposed to tell people about what troubles me? But they've all proven to me that they can't be depended on.

I don't know why I've posted things about people who haven't really offended me - in my face - all that much, and yet I still haven't said anything about people like them. Is it the disparity of value I place on these groups of people?

Perhaps my subconscious already knows I'm at fault for dancing all the time, and not joining them for Popeye's chicken, not going downtown with them, or whatever.

Even though I tell myself she's not an important person in my life, the way she gives me that dirty look haunts me. The way she influences the rest to outcast me. The way she says 'hi' to Melissa or Shyo but acts like I'm not there. The way she demeans me, practically right in front of her friend. I want to hate her. But I can't. I just can't. I don't know if it's my upbringing or what, but it seems I've turned out to be a sissy who can't stand up for himself.

But you know, that may be a good thing. All that jedi knight jargon about hate leads to suffering and whatnot.

Intentions are never enough, only results are. That's how it works in this world.

There are two sides to everything. Only the wisest see both.

When darkness obscures something, you don't know what it is. It looks like something that could scare you, when it's really just a harmless garden hoe or rake with a rubber hose for a tail. You know?

Of course you don't. But it's ok... probably no one does, but good God.

Now Playing: John Denver - Leaving on a Jet Plane

2:35 am