on my way

21 October 2007

I woke up at 2 in the afternoon today. Immediately went to buy lunch for my dad and sister after brushing teeth... and also read Joshua's message to meet him at Suntec City.

And so I went to Suntec City. Talked about many things. When we parted ways, I decided to go window shopping a little. By myself, yeah. It seemed so long since I took a long walk in Suntec by myself. I guess having to live in Bedok has to do with that. I prefer Old Airport Road. More ghetto, more urban. And more variety of nice food... the Ho Hup Soya Bean auntie is so nice. She took out the ice for me so that I could get more soya milk, and then she asked me to wait so that she could put in more chin chow jelly (she suggested I buy a cup of Michael Jackson instead).

I was about to walk into B.I.R.D. to check out some Nike threads and kicks. Then I heard a familiar piano hook. They were playing Mariah Carey's 'We Belong Together'. It made me think. I miss myself. I'm beginning to be like them. I'm beginning to lose the love.

Can I help it? When all the cliques are established, and I'm still just one guy by himself. Maybe I should blame myself. Maybe I shouldn't have gone dancing so much, so much that my semester 1 classmates stopped treating me like I exist. Maybe I should have kept my thoughts to myself. Maybe I shouldn't try to be funny, after all, not everyone is as liberal and open as me. Maybe I shouldn't talk to the seniors so much, although I honestly feel more comfortable talking to some of them, so that I won't be accused of bootlicking.

But I still feel blessed and thankful for Meiqi, Ah Foong and Gen. They talked to me. Even when I'm not really in a rightest state of mind, they tolerated my constant complaining and chattering. My self-centred rantings.

Complaining, chattering and ranting. I'm gone. I miss you man. I miss Jun Ji. The one who resolved never to hold anything against anyone.

Karl Lagerfeld designed women's lingerie. Therefore, he must have had intimate knowledge of such garments, pardon the pun. I guess that makes him so much more a "guy whom you want to slap" than I am? I only hinted and I never said anything explicit. I wonder why you wanted to blame me when you're the one who wanted to feign ignorance. Yet you had to be so sensitive about it. Why are you dancing hip hop if you're so mindful of being offended? What are you going to do in a real heated battle? Will you hate all the opponents? You're a great mover, but are you aware of the culture of freedom behind what you're dancing?

Are you my friend? Are you someone I can talk to? I didn't realise you were like this. My friend loves you. I don't know in what way, but he does. He's such a nice and friendly guy. I hope he knows who he's loving.

I genuinely loved you people, but I guess it wasn't enough.

When you left, I lost a part of me...

Now Playing: Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

8:24 pm